Swiper: the New Prometheus
by Iosephus
Summary: This forms the centrepiece of the Swiper literary cannon, relating in detail the origin of Swiper himself and his secret Love for Dora the Explorer. Be Warned, no one as yet has read it without being forever changed.


SWIPER, THE NEW PROMETHEUS  
by  
Iosephus

With great art, Swiper the Fox moved through the forest in search of prey. On all fours he crept, with impeccable stealth and cunning unparalleled in the annals of foxdom. His every step a work of sublime poetry, gliding effortlessly between the foliage and the grass as if he were a part of it—as indeed he was. For surely, was he not perfection? Was the not the very form of a fox? And yet he was also so much more, for he was Swiper: Vulpine Robin Hood! Pleased with himself, as well he should be, Swiper took occasion to reflect on how it had all began.

He remembered back to aeons passed, when life had just begun. He thought of his mother, who had been the form of love itself, who had taught him to hunt (which is what a fox does that makes him a fox). He recalled his first kill, a small bird that his mother had guided him to. He felt again the oneness he had experienced as he crept up upon the bird and seized it with his mouth, his self fading into nothing as his body became a conduit for Nature—timeless as all eternity, just as his mother had said it would be.

He relived the moment of the kill, recalling how his mother had told him to pray a little prayer silently to himself as he held the bird between his jaws so that it might die calmly and not suffer. Swiper had since always loved the bird, but was worldly enough to understand that the bird itself might not have reason to appreciate its sacrifice quite so much. Nevertheless, he was confident that he might encounter the bird again in some other existence and thank it for the nourishment its husk had provided him and his mother. All this Swiper knew instinctively and could feel; for he was one with the Universe, one with Nature, and one with God. Of all the many days of his life, Swiper remembered best that day of the first kill. It had made him a fox and secured him a place forever within the cosmos.

Then, many years later, came the day he met the girl. Swiper's mother had always warned him to avoid the two-legged scourge, and so he had done, but this girl, Dora was like no other he had seen or could conceive of**. **He first encountered her in a garden, drawn by the sound of laughter and earthly delights. He stood transfixed as she played with other animals—animals who had learned to speak the languages of man; animals who aped his dreadful upright stance; who wore red boots, bandanas, and serape vests; who learned to fly balloons and drive rocket cars. In terrified awe he saw all this, and watched the little girl laugh and play with her friends. He could not look away **, **gripped as he was by a compulsion which seemed to come from beyond him, until finally Dora glanced into the bushes and spotted the fox**. **Then suddenly engulfed by an overwhelming shame, Swiper, ran away. He ran deep into the forest and, when he could run no further, he arose on his hind legs and stood. Finding this pleasing, he learned to walk on two legs, but his bipedal stance and walk were slightly crouched, and he held his hands out in front of him in a creeping manner so that the whole effect resembled a predatory dinosaur from the Zalinger mural. He learned too to speak in the language of men. This was a more difficult task and took some time to perfect, but he realized early on he could fake it by relying on stock phrases such as "Awwww man" and "You're too late." And he began to put on clothes, wearing a mask at all times until eventually no one had seen Swiper without it, and indeed until the fox himself became ashamed to be seen in such a way at all.

No longer, he vowed, would he prey on the other animals of the forest, his considerable skills to be directed instead against that which the two-legged creatures held dearer than life. Henceforth, he would avenge the animal kingdom against the effronteries of Dora and her traitor friends by, in his own less-than-articulate words, "swiping their stuff". Thus the fox became the self-proclaimed outlaw-hero Swiper: invincible in speed, and indefatigable warrior of revanchant Artemis against the great transgressor man. Yet, from that day the other animals of the wild harbored a secret fear of him. They mistrusted Swiper's clothes, and his upright walk made him appear like some man created monster. They found dread in Swiper's motives and his intonations, all to frequent, that he was more than just a fox. Swiper himself, however, continued on in secure ignorance of their qualms **, **feeling assured that he had turned man's own weapons against him in symbolic mockery.

Then, awaking from his dream into the dull light of the present, Swiper came to a clearing and, as if by deliberateness of fate, espied the very muse of his digression. In a field before him knelt Dora, picking flowers. Swiper's senses heightened. He could smell the air around her and the ericaceous fragrance of the impromptu bouquet she ripped from the ground. He watched as her warm brown hair brushed against her cheek in the afternoon breeze. With keen eyesight he noticed a bandage on her left knee, while her other kneecap shined gently in the sun. A bolt of warm electricity swept over Swiper from snout to tail. It was as if all the desires of earth had been concentrated, there, in the middle of the field, for his taking. In all his furry orange majesty the canine Rob Roy arose and stood. Honed and determined, he crept towards Dora.

The girl, for her own part, was oblivious to all that surrounded her; her mind a blank slate but for a perfunctory recognition of the colorful sights and pleasant smells that passed beneath her countenance. In this, Dora was as she always was, and continued along in her thoughtless reverie until she could not help but notice an orange shape advancing thru the field toward her. Slowly she came to recognize this as the famous Swiper, whom she had encountered innumerable times before. Instinctively, she too stood and began the formula which, if successfully completed, would render her assailant helpless. Holding out her hand from which dangled a lovely candy charm bracelet, she intoned the mantra "Swiper, No Swiping, Swiper, No Swiping…" but she became distracted. Perhaps the fox seemed especially determined that day, or perhaps Dora, alone and unassisted by her animal friends, lacked sufficient encouragement, but she paused to notice just how sharp Swiper's teeth were and how large and round his eyes, and how the way he walked reminded her of a dinosaur she had seen in a picture book….

And thus Swiper was upon her. "You're too late" he cackled and, grabbing the flowers from Dora, flung them into oblivion. Then, without thinking, he grabbed her by the shoulders. She flinched, and here followed a brief pause as Swiper stood half amazed that he had not ceased to exist simply by having touched her. He looked down into Dora's eyes, and she, puzzled, stared back vacantly. Then, Swiper pulled the girl close to his mouth as if to bite her, but kissed her instead. The child's soft warm voice let out a barely suppressed squeak whilst Swiper's black doggie lips pressed into hers. As his long snout and prickly whiskers nuzzled softly against her face, he could taste that she been eating a cherry lollipop; Swiper had never particularly liked this flavor before but he figured that it would likely be his favorite from now on. He closed his eyes, focused on the touch of Dora's lips, and felt his mind and soul plunged into a vortex, experiencing an endless cycle of death and rebirth in each breath and each palpitation of his canine heart. He kissed her until the shame that burned within him turned to pleasure, and pulled her yet closer; drawing her nearer as if to make her a part of himself. He tightened his embrace and began to rub her back gently with his gloved paws. The girl did not put up a struggle, nor did she reciprocate, remaining entirely a passive witness to the fox's strange machinations. Finally, when the pleasure became almost too much to bear, Swiper attempted to pray a private little prayer in order to sanctify the occasion—but he could not concentrate. He could not feel it. He felt nothing anymore but the pressing of his lips against Dora's. Indeed, he felt nothing at all but the touch of two physical bodies in proximity. Alarmed, reason at once returned to Swiper and, realizing the magnitude of his transgression, he broke off the kiss with a pained and heaving "Awwww Man!" Retreating back to the forest, feeling compelled to do so on all fours.

Dora fell to the ground in a heap. Confused for just a moment, she quickly picked herself up, thinking it strange that Swiper had kissed her and that his kiss felt somehow different than the ones she usually shared with her monkey friend Boots. She considered briefly of the fox's soft fur and decided that she would not mind if Swiper wanted to kiss her again. After a few minutes her thoughts faded into nothingness, and she resumed picking flowers**.**

Swiper soon realized that to continue on all fours was futile and reverted to the customary dinosaur posture. Staggering his way back through the forest overwhelmed by guilt and shame, the erstwhile fox cried. He had never felt such separation from everything. He was no longer one with the rocks and the trees. The Universe now shunned him. Life held no meaning and he was numbered amongst the dead. Sunset came bathed in the splendros light of sublime indifference. The night was balmy and peaceful with just a trickle of breeze. Swiper looked up through a haze of everlasting sorrow. The stars in their quiet multitudes shined brightly. He dropped to the ground in anguish over how much he had lost.


End file.
